Unattractive

This is going to come as a shock to you. Some of you won't want to know. Andrea would be able to tell that Andrew was messaging her because of her psychic perceptions. You are going to think he's an asshole. Some of you might actually be correct. He is a bit of a jerk sometimes. He has a lot of women who he dates. Monica is a woman who he is involved with. They will tell everybody that they are friends. They might have sex on occasion. This is something Andrea has said. Well, Andrea hasn't really said it. It wouldn't be anything that was slander at all. This would be said in a message that Andrea received at her Yahoo account.

Monica would know what had happened between her and Andrew that night. Did she really go back to his apartment? Was that something that really occurred? We are going to think back to these messages from many years ago. This was in 2010 when Andrea got most of these messages.

'I want it to be that it was a stupid idea.'

Monica wants Andrea to be blamed for all of it. That Andrea messaged herself for 10 months pretending to be Andrew Jones.

'I really like that idea.' Monica thinks.

I want to think about this for a little bit. It really doesn't make a lot of sense. Lynda wants to think it was one of his ex-girlfriends. She won't want to admit that it was not. She doesn't want to admit that she has an issue with Andrea and her body weight. She wants to think Andrea isn't attractive to get any attention from Andrew. She wants to think Andrea is too chubby to possibly attract his attention.

'That is kind of an upsetting idea.'

A lot of people would find that to be an upsetting idea. Somebody who is about 20 pounds overweight being unattractive is not a very popular idea with certain groups of people. Some people think it's a very upsetting idea. This is what they make Andrea feel. The burden of Andrea's mother and her weight has a huge emotional impact. It crushes Andrea's self-esteem. She begins to feel very unattractive. This went on for a very long time. This didn't have a very good impact on Andrea's life.

'I really don't want to think that we are that sexist.'

These are sexist ideas that women toss at each other. That an extra 30 pounds makes a woman undesirable. That no man would be attracted to a chubby woman. That this is an intolerable physical flaw. This is an idea that is very destructive and would produce a little bit of anger. You want to think that people don't get angry about being caged into a negative standard of beauty. People can get very angry about this. If Andrea's mother weighed close to 500 pounds and you hurt her over an extra 20 pounds what do you think she is going to feel? She is going to hate your guts deep down inside. She is going to rant on about how shallow you are. She is going to accuse you of being a sexist woman. She is going to think you are reinforcing something very negative. This is a very subtle thing that can make somebody furious.

Unlovable

This is a traumatizing experience 
if that is not how your parent thinks. 
This will be the start of these traumas. 
This would be the start of these pains. 
A parent who gloats about their child's suffering. 
Someone who enjoys watching her daughter 
get her heart broke again and again.

These words bring up tears 
as Andrea begins to remember how it felt.
The mean-spirited parent who wants to see her daughter hurt. 
This was not a positive experience.
 It's something that makes a lot of people cry. 
A lot of people don't have parents who hurt them like this.
Andrea's mother's weight is one reason why.

There is some envy in Andrea's mother, 
but she doesn't see it that way. 
She would deny envious feelings. 
She would condemn Andrea for being thin. 
Andrea can think about some things right now 
which might hurt a lot of people. 
You wouldn't want your parent to treat you like that. 
You wouldn't want your body weight 
to make your parent assume you are slutty. 
This is one horrible thing. 
This is a horrible shock. 
This would bring a lot of pain. 
Some women are judged by their bodies. 
It can be painful if the parent is doing it. 
Andrea wanted to live a life 
which was the sort her mother might have missed out on.


These are some hurtful experiences. 
I want you to think about it for a while. 
We can see it throughout Andrea's entire childhood. 
Those moments of blaming and punishing 
for things that really weren't that bad. 
Andrea came home late from school by 
dawdling along the creek. 
This might get a little bit of a reprimand from many parents. 
It wouldn't get a paddle to their butt. 
This would be a painful experience. 
To be walking along a creek. 
To be enjoying a fun walk. 
To not understand you are late. 
To come home to somebody who is that mad.

These experiences are hurtful.
These are excuses for discipline 
to unleash anger on a child 
because your child isn't fat like you. 
Andrea was not a fat child. 
Andrea was average body weight. 
She was a very attractive child, 
but she always felt like people hated her. 
She felt like she was inferior. 
She wanted to kill herself many times. 
She felt traumatized by many feelings. 
She was made fun of at school. 
Andrea was bullied and made fun of. 
She became very withdrawn from her classmates. 
She never played with the other children. 
There were many years that were like that.

These are things that people experience. 
After a while you get used to being alone. 
People become a trouble to you. 
Spending time with others is horrible. 
There might be other things you would rather do. 
You might be very used to being by yourself. 
People don't understand that.