Unlovable

This is a traumatizing experience 
if that is not how your parent thinks. 
This will be the start of these traumas. 
This would be the start of these pains. 
A parent who gloats about their child's suffering. 
Someone who enjoys watching her daughter 
get her heart broke again and again.

These words bring up tears 
as Andrea begins to remember how it felt.
The mean-spirited parent who wants to see her daughter hurt. 
This was not a positive experience.
 It's something that makes a lot of people cry. 
A lot of people don't have parents who hurt them like this.
Andrea's mother's weight is one reason why.

There is some envy in Andrea's mother, 
but she doesn't see it that way. 
She would deny envious feelings. 
She would condemn Andrea for being thin. 
Andrea can think about some things right now 
which might hurt a lot of people. 
You wouldn't want your parent to treat you like that. 
You wouldn't want your body weight 
to make your parent assume you are slutty. 
This is one horrible thing. 
This is a horrible shock. 
This would bring a lot of pain. 
Some women are judged by their bodies. 
It can be painful if the parent is doing it. 
Andrea wanted to live a life 
which was the sort her mother might have missed out on.


These are some hurtful experiences. 
I want you to think about it for a while. 
We can see it throughout Andrea's entire childhood. 
Those moments of blaming and punishing 
for things that really weren't that bad. 
Andrea came home late from school by 
dawdling along the creek. 
This might get a little bit of a reprimand from many parents. 
It wouldn't get a paddle to their butt. 
This would be a painful experience. 
To be walking along a creek. 
To be enjoying a fun walk. 
To not understand you are late. 
To come home to somebody who is that mad.

These experiences are hurtful.
These are excuses for discipline 
to unleash anger on a child 
because your child isn't fat like you. 
Andrea was not a fat child. 
Andrea was average body weight. 
She was a very attractive child, 
but she always felt like people hated her. 
She felt like she was inferior. 
She wanted to kill herself many times. 
She felt traumatized by many feelings. 
She was made fun of at school. 
Andrea was bullied and made fun of. 
She became very withdrawn from her classmates. 
She never played with the other children. 
There were many years that were like that.

These are things that people experience. 
After a while you get used to being alone. 
People become a trouble to you. 
Spending time with others is horrible. 
There might be other things you would rather do. 
You might be very used to being by yourself. 
People don't understand that.